Thursday, September 29, 2005

Walk With Me...

To Sons and Daughters:

Walk with me
To see the world in all its wonders
To see the colors of life in my eyes
For I will not be here forever
But even so
I hope you fulfill your dreams
I hope you continue the walk
With the memories that we still share
With the love that we still feel
For I to see the colors of life through your eyes


....dedicated to rakshademon...

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

I Don't Need...

I don’t need your hatred
I don’t need your grieve
I don’t need your pity
I don’t need your lie
I don’t need your opinion
I don’t need your rule
I don’t need your manipulation
I don’t need your advice
I don’t need your negation
I don’t need your condemnation
I don’t need your sadness
I don’t need your agreement
I don’t need your vanity
I don’t need your war
I don’t need your stupidity
I don’t need your anger
I don’t need your rebuke
I don’t need your humiliation
I don’t need your pain
I don’t need your loneliness
I don’t need your burden
I don’t need your alienation
I don’t need your procrastination
I don’t need your hypocrisy
I don’t need your perversity
I don’t need your corruption
I don’t need your damnation
I don’t need your empathy
I don’t need your liberation
I don’t need your enticement
I don’t need your anxiety
I don’t need your failure
I don’t need your guilt
I don’t need your judgment
I don’t need you!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Coldfire...

When are you going to face your inner fear? Or do you not realize what your inner fear is? Or do you just turn a blind eye to it? With so many going on around us, have we lost ourselves?
I have always been afraid of making a commitment, saying “I do”. Afraid that I will not be able to keep my words because somehow I know and I have to face it now, that I am not capable of spending the rest of my life with someone, at least for a time being. And I am afraid of being vulnerable and love someone completely. I know I have been holding back myself subconsciously ever since I lost that vulnerability. I have been hunting high and low but to what end, I do not know. I was afraid of facing the truth that I am not faithful enough to make that kind of commitment but now, tonight, I am going to face it head on. It is so fucking hard to do so because I have always stupidly believed that I am completely faithful. But when it comes to marriage, I tend to run away. I am afraid of divorcing, afraid of losing my freedom, afraid of all the challenges a couple will have to go through, afraid of handling her emotional states, afraid of not able to fulfill all her needs, afraid of giving in too much, afraid of realizing that real love is not what I think it is, afraid of losing her one day, afraid of realizing that she is not the one that I really need, afraid of getting hurt again, afraid of losing my temper on her when things go wrong, afraid of raising a family wrongly, afraid of dying before them and most of all, afraid of a dying love.
There! I have said it all. Being single now is blessed in disguise. Only now that I have really searched deep in my heart and soul of whom I truly am. Only now that I have known what kind of life that I truly want. Only now that I have known that I have been so wrong.
I am getting tired of finding answers to the meaning of life. Life is my creation. Before I create, I will not be able to find the meaning. If I never create, I will never find the meaning. If my life is completed one day, I will know then that I have also completed other lives.

What do I believe now? I believe the world will go on. I believe people change. I believe our soul is all that we really got. I believe love is blessed and not found. I believe nature loves us. I believe I lie to myself more than I lie to anyone else in my whole life. I believe the truth is the other side of lie. I believe I can reach out and touch someone without being there. I believe peace in mind and peace in soul are different. I believe people fear and dislike or hate their kind. I believe in some mysterious ways that stability is balanced by instability. I believe words are confining our minds. Most of all, I believe I will be just fine and fulfill all my wishes in life because I appreciate what life has given to me (what I have given to myself).

Monday, September 12, 2005

LUCK!

I had a very lousy Sunday but I hope you had a wonderful one. I was supposed to bring Mike (a good friend of mine) and his wife to Changi airport in the afternoon (you see, they just got married not long ago and now they were leaving for New Zealand for honeymoon), which was supposed to be a fucking easy job. I started off at two in the afternoon but half way to their house, I remembered that I didn’t have my passport with me. So I had to turn back and picked up the damn passport. I was driving like mad because the time was running out. Then I reached a fucking junction which has been closed off for re-construction work. Fuck! No choice, I had to find another way through that fucking piled up. I was really pissed then. When I reached their house, shit bird dropped its shitty liquefied shit on my head! Arrrggghhh! What a fucking lousy day! Mike joked that I was about to get rich. Rich?! My head, rich! By the time we started the journey, it was already 3:30pm. Once we reached the City Square (which is close to the checkpoint), we were immediately stuck in a massive traffic fucking jam. Oh no shit, we only had one and a half hour to reach the airport. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Everybody was getting anxious. Stupid fuckers, why can’t they build another causeway?! They rather spend millions in other stupid stuff, I guess! That was not all. Half way through the bridge, a fucking Cefiro cut into our lane without seeing us there, and bang! I was about to blow up then. The right side of the rear bumper was scratched for about a foot long. GGGRRRR!!!!! I looked up and stared at the driver…. He was making all kinds of gesture with his hands, and they all did not register at all in my mind then. Turned my eyes towards his passenger, a woman, I guess she’s his fucking wife or something… she jerked back (?!) like seeing a ghost! I guess at that time I must be looking like a devil. People always said that I have a fearsome and intense look when I pissed off (I was raging then, ready to kill someone), and I guess that lady just confirmed it. I didn’t even ask for any compensation. After a short while, I wondered why I didn’t do that. Maybe it was because we were still in the fucking jam and time was running out for Mike. Mike’s wife kept apologizing but what the heck, it wasn’t her fault. I told her that it was alright. Mike was even funnier. He told me to claim him! They felt guilty, I guess. The funny thing is once I was back in Malaysia I didn’t feel any rage at all. I was kind of looking forward to get back home and gave my dog a massage. Shit, he’s sick. Poor doggy! :( I have been giving him massage everyday since he’s sick.
Things could get any worse? I really don’t know but I guess I am ok. The bird shit didn’t stink and the car bumper only got a scratch. What a fucking life! Sunday afternoon… I should be having my afternoon nap but then I guess that’s what friends are for. They ask your help when they are in such need and share happy happy time with you whenever possible. Mike has helped me a lot in the past and I guess that’s the least I can do to repay his kindness.
Hey, I deserve more. God I really deserve more. Beside that devilish look when I pissed off, I am a kind person :)… fun to have around once you gain my trust, and I am loyal to my friends. Well, only those that I think worth my loyalty.
Why the fuck didn’t I strike a lottery? I need money, money, money! And woman, woman, woman! Hahaha…. I must be getting crazy. It doesn’t matter. I have a strong feeling that I’m going to strike. Big one this time! Yeah, big one… God is going to answer my prayer this time, and He thinks I deserve it too…
Give me $500K and I will build a house where I can see sunset every evening and feel the breeze everyday. It’s so stuffy living in a terrace house. Then I am going to build a fucking big doghouse for my dog, and get another dog to keep him company. After that, give a big treat to my family and close friends. What else? Fucking buy all the stuff that she wants! Make crazy love to her in my paradise garden under the stars. Err… have children? Oh fuck me! Think $500K a lot har?! Ok, stop dreaming. But I am going to strike!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Day In Day Out

A colleague (a 22 year old girl) showed me a rejected part this morning, telling me that there is something inside the rubber tube (which is supposed to be clear of any shit). Well, I took the part from her, and then she started to gesture: with her left hand forming a circle (like an OK sign), and with her right index finger poked into the circle and wriggled. Looking at that gesture, I couldn’t help LMAO! She looked at me one kind like I’ve gone nuts. LOL. I asked her to do that again, and only then she realized that she has just shown a ‘FUCK’ gesture/sign to me. HAHAHA! Punched me in the arms…Ouchhh… Wah lao! Early early morning, show me THAT, no shame ar you! HAHAHA!
I have 3 more obscene gestures that I know of:
1) Make a fist with one hand and smack the thumb part with the other hand.
2) Put your thumb through your fist.
3) Thrust your middle finger up.

Who the hell invented all these gestures? Is there any more? I would really like to know what other gestures are considered obscene in other countries. Might as well know a few, just in case I travel one day. I wouldn’t want to piss its citizens off in a foreign country, would I? Yeah, don’t want to be like Mr. Bean…. LOL!


Be honest, without referring to anything and anyone, and without taking your eyes off the screen, try answering these questions right here right now:

1) Which direction is the fan rotating?
2) Is the traffic green light on the top or bottom?
3) Which side is the red (ON) indicator located next to the switch to an air-conditioner or water heater? Left or right?
4) How do you switch off the main power of a building? Flip it downward or upward?
5) How many keys are there on a mobile phone that doesn’t have alphabets on them?
6) Where is the asterisk (*) located on the phone key pad? Bottom left or right?
7) What is printed on the upper left corner on the front of a ten ringgit note?
8) Which hand of the statue of liberty is holding the torch?
9) What is the orientation of the slash on the No Smoking sign?
10) What is the symbol of ‘tab’ key on your keyboard?
11) How many colors are there in the logo of Microsoft Windows?
12) What are the words below your picture on your MyKad?
13) What is the symbol for fog?
14) How many arrows are imprinted on a diskette?
15) How many nuts are screwed to your car wheel?

Can you get it all right? Honestly, I couldn’t. Hehehe……


Some Facts You Should Know

You might have known these or some of these facts. Got this from a friend and just want to share, that's all:

1. Look at your zipper. See the initials YKK? It stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha, the world's largest zipper manufacturer.
2. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
3. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
4. 40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
5. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
6. On the average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
7. Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.
8. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
9. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.
10. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
12. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
13. Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
14. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
15. The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"!
16. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
17. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
18. Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
19. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
20. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
21. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
22. Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.
23. Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
24. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
25. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand.
26. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, prick your fingers into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.
27. A mathematical wonder: 111,111,111 multiplied by 111,111,111 gives the result 12, 345, 678, 987, 654, 321.
28. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
29. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
30. The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.
31. The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
32. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
33. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
34. "Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt".
35. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
36. In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin' good" comes out as "eat your fingers off".
37. A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head.
38. We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.
39. Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines.
40. Coca-Cola can be used as car oil.
41. Mexico City sinks abut 10 inches a year.
42. Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.
43. Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans.
44. When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying "yes" in Sri Lanka.
45. There are mo re chickens than people in the world.
46. It's against the law in Iceland to have a dog.
47. The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.
48. The only word in the English Language with all vowels in reverse order is "s ub c ont in ent al".
49. There are more telephones than people in Washington, D.C.

TAKING CHANCES, MAKING CHANCES

Lecturer Charles Hobbs sometimes tells about a woman who lived in London over a century ago. She saved what little money she could working as a scullery maid and used it one evening to hear a great speaker of her day. His speech moved her deeply and she waited to visit with him afterward. "How fine it must be to have had the opportunities you have had in life," she said. "My dear lady," he replied, "Have you never received an opportunity?" "Not me. I have never had a chance," she said. "What do you do?" the speaker asked. She answered, "I peel onions and potatoes in my sister's boarding house." "How long have you been doing this?" he pursued. "Fifteen miserable years!" "And where do you sit?" he continued. "Why, on the bottom step in the kitchen." She looked puzzled. "And where do you put your feet?" "On the floor," she answered, more puzzled. "What is the floor?" "It is glazed brick." Then he said, "My dear lady, I will give you an assignment today. I want you to write me a letter about the brick." Against her protests about being a poor writer, he made her promise to complete the assignment. The next day, as she sat down to peel onions, she gazed at the brick floor. That evening she pulled one loose, took it to a brick factory and asked the owner to explain to her how bricks were made. Still not satisfied, she went to a library and found a book on bricks. She learned that 120 different kinds of brick and tile were being produced in England at the time. She discovered how clay beds, which existed for millions of years, were formed. Her research captivated her imagination and she spent every spare moment learning more. She returned to the library night after night and this woman, who never had a chance, gradually began to climb the steps of knowledge. After months of study, she set out to write her letter as promised. She sent a 36-page document about the brick in her kitchen and, to her surprise, she received a letter back. Enclosed was payment for her research. He had published her letter! And along with the money came a new assignment -- this time he asked her to write about what she found underneath the brick. For the first time in her life she could hardly wait to get back to the kitchen! She pulled up the brick and there was an ant. She held it in her hand and examined it. That evening, she hurried back to the library to study ants. She learned that there were hundreds of different kinds of ants. Some were so small they could stand on the head of a pin; while others were so large one could feel the weight of them in one's hand. She started her own ant colony and examined ants underneath a lens. Several months later she wrote her findings in a 350-page "letter." It, too, was eventually published. She soon quit her kitchen job to take up writing. Before she died, she had traveled to the lands of her dreams and had experienced more than she ever imagined possible! This is the woman who had never had a chance. Some people wait for opportunity to come knocking. Here is a person who sought it out, proving again that we can be more than victims of mere circumstance. If given a chance, will you take it? If given no chance, can you make one?

From Steve Goodier's RICHES OF THE HEART

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Random Thoughts

It’s one of those nights again when I am feeling blue. Maybe it’s George Michael’s ‘I Can’t Make You Love Me’, or maybe it’s my dog which is not feeling well. Or maybe I’m just feeling blue. Shit… ever wonder why a song can affect your emotion so profoundly? I still remember a song by Cranberries,‘Linger’ and a song by Take That, ‘Babe’ (if I’m not wrong). These two songs are still my favorite even though I don’t have these two songs with me now. U2’s ‘Stay (Faraway, So Close)’ is one of those that I won’t get tired of listening to. Set to repeat mode and rock away. Hell, I don’t even really understand what it’s all about. If you ever know this song, care to explain it to this poor fucker? I don’t know why I love this rock band very much. I have been buying/collecting their albums through the years and almost can sing every song without lyrics in my hand(s). Now, why am I talking about songs?! My mind really knows how to wander off.

If you ever have the opportunity to trap your mind, in which/what moment you’re going to trap it? I used to day dreaming a lot but as I grow up, the chance of doing so is getting less to nil. Everyone seems to demand your time non-stop. How much time do you think you have to reflect upon your life, just for today? I don’t know. It’s amazing how forgetful I am. I can’t even remember how I feel this morning. One of the colleagues asked me why I was so quiet today and I didn’t know how to answer. Just don’t want to talk. But to them, I’m like the end of the world. Maybe it’s because of the look on my face – stern and cold – ready to snap somebody’s head off! Normally I’ll joke with them no matter how stress work can be but not today. But when I’m this quiet, nobody dares to talk to me… heck… even my boss find it scary. But work is still work. Sigh…. Force myself to brighten up in the afternoon and suddenly, everything seems back to normal. People started to joke with you, made sarcastic remarks, which I don’t mind at all. All is well.

Ate moon cake this afternoon and the durian flavor really suck! Still like the original flavor (I don’t know what they call it). Time flies!

One sales person said something like this: customer paid for our salaries! What the fuck does it mean? If customer pays for our salaries, then in turn who pay the customer? Consumers, right? And who’re the consumers? Us! So if we follow, no… take a step further (huh?) from his train of thought, we’ll be the one who’s paying the salaries. Man, doesn’t it feel good?! So it’s a circle. It’s circle everywhere…. I may have some prejudice about this sales person but fuck it, I think my company is paying for our salaries. Still, we need to be objective: customer is not doubt very important to a company and whatever customers’ requirement is, we will fulfill it as long as it is within our capability. Along the way, we are trying to improve ourselves, increase our capacity, efficiency and blah blah blah…. Technology sucks! With all this improvement, people still suffer. I guess it’s human nature to self-destruct. Strictly speaking, is life getting any better? If your mind fucked up, then that’s that. Your whole life fucked up. Eh… I’m being negative, am I? What does it mean of being negative? What does it mean of being realistic? If negative is reality, how should one see it? It’s not that I can’t see the silver lining behind (or in?) the clouds, but lets supposed that negative IS reality, how should we handle ourselves? Crazy thoughts!

God, I miss her so much! A dream took me back to her. Shit! This is not good. How many people out there are going through the same thing? Hehehe… I guess I am not alone. Minishort posted a question to guys out there: what are you looking for in a woman? I never comment because I’m still not sure. Definitely someone with a look that I can tolerate with (LOL). Characters? Scratching my head and balls… Why bother? Do you think you will be with someone who fits all the criteria? As for me, I can be attracted to all kinds of women. Everyone is unique. So why the hell still so many people setting criteria for it? Scratching my head and balls again! Well, you might say different people take it differently. I agree and I am not criticizing anyone here. Just a thought.

Ever come across a woman who stick to her husband even though he cheats on her (and she knows about it), beat her up and that sorta crap. Now, the first remark made by people is like; is she crazy?! Why is she so stupid?! When you asked that woman, all she said is that she can’t let go, she loves him too much. *blink blink* and somehow when he showers her with love once in a while, she feels blessed. *blink (x5)* After listening to what she said, can you still say that she’s crazy or stupid? Probably you will, but that’s how she wants it. What can you do? Hope that her husband knocks himself out one day and come to his senses, and wish her all the happiness that she deserves. Shit! Bloody sad case.

Harmless affection turns into fatal attraction. How truth is that, huh?

I want to take a pee…. Hold, please…

Some psycho-maniac shit:

…I am beginning to understand that I’m not always the nice guy. Not naturally. I was just trying to blend in like ice blended mocha, just trying to blend in…. I have neglected my own feelings, my own needs… because I’m afraid… I’m afraid that the real me will not be accepted by you….
….I have been repressing my feelings for so long and at the same time I thought that I have control of what I feel but the truth is how could I possibly control what I’m feeling? I am just repressing them to the point that I feel numb sometimes…
…alone inside my heart… these are not healthy! These are not what I want for life. I need to feel free. I need to feel alive….
…I hate my life but for the peacefulness which isn’t real because deep down inside I’m struggling. I am trying to be a part of everyone else’s lives, trying to be a part of you. In the end I might be losing you even if I try so hard. I just wanted to be me, myself again. Trying to be a really nice guy but with some defects, for I am not perfect. I’m beginning to let go… let go of control, let go of my delusional control, let go of myself and be myself. I wish God is showing me the way to be a real man, not a child, a real mature man who can protect you, take care of you, comfort you, bring you happiness, real happiness...
…I hope that you can grow with me. I nurture you and you nurture me. Let’s complete each other if you are willing. You don’t know how much pain you’ve caused me when you disapproved of what I do or what I don’t. I feel rejected and I feel shame. I need your support, your love and your time to live... I’m still a child emotionally, I think but like you, I can be very logical, rational and objective even to the point of being misunderstood as being a cold blooded animal. Is it okay? I don’t know. I do know one thing though: I need you to accept who I am, not who I can be because who I can be is determined by both of us. Just like who you can be…. You can be free, really free if you learn to let go just like I do. Learn to accept the pain you feel inside. Learn to let it grow and mature and then die. Learn to accept your loses, grieve over them and let go… not for the past, not for the future but just for your soul and mine…
…Forever there’s a hole in our relationship and only you can fill it up. I’ll do my part too. I’ll be supportive… let you lean on if you will. I’ll stand by you even if the world comes apart. Let him go, and let me in because I need your heart to hide within. I want to be strong, I want to be weak too if you are willing… I want to be your man and your child at the same time, I want to be your everything, I want to be able to feel your touch, and I want to be the one that you need. I don’t know whether I am right about this, but I could not possibly care neither could I able to control what I really want. I want to share everything with you and I want you to do the same too. I want to give you unconditional love and I hope I can do it….. With your help, I can. With your love, I can. If your love is true, I feel like I can almost do anything except to leave you...
…please know that I’ll be strong, I’ll go on because I’ve learn to know my pain and anger… and it’s alright to feel pain and be angry because I am a human with a heart, and it doesn’t mean that I am weak even if I cry like a baby. Please know that you will always be special in my heart because without you, I wouldn’t have written this confession. Thank you my love, my angel, my devil, my dear………

Huh? Told you it’s something maniacal…

I will promise you all my life…
But to lose you would cut like a knife…
So I don’t dare… no, I don’t dare…!

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Drunk

Have been reading blogs for the past few days; there’s minshorts, fuckstress, vanadium (who never seems to update his blog), bunnywunny, Elaine and a new one – Me (not me as me – arrgghh… nevermind).

There is this post regarding some sick suckers from south in minishort’s blog. I don’t know the whole story (and I don’t care) but from what I gathered, they are criticizing our country. I know my country is not perfect, but who the fuck do they think they are. If there’s one word to describe them, then it’s ‘immature’. I think they must have misplaced their asses. If they want war, I’ll wage war! (now I am being immature, am I?). We got no rights to criticize any other country in this world. No rights at all. Country isn’t just government or one fucking leader. It has people, cultures, animals, plants and everything that goes with it. Those suckers! I don’t know why I feel angry (normally I don’t give a shit). Maybe it’s the national day. Maybe I’m just drunk…
If some stupid fuckers wage war on Malaysia, I’ll join the army and defend my country without any hesitation. To protect civilians, friends, families, loved ones, you and everything that’s Malaysia. I am sure that’s a lot of people who share my sentiment. As for the men/women (as in civilian), will you stop your man/woman from joining the army if there’s war? Will you able to support your man/woman all the way, or give up on him/her? Will you able to let go of your children? War is such a terrible thing! But somehow I understand why we take up arms and defend our country because it’s our HOME. Just like your own house/home where you grew up.
IT IS NOT SELFISH FOR THE RIGHT REASON.

Minishorts, fuckstress and Elaine are blogging in Bahasa Malaysia on national day (must visit their blogs for those who haven't do so). The posts are so hilarious.

Pause….

A MSN messaging (with typo and all):

coldfire says:
no celebration?
Bunnywunny says:
you done alreay meh?
coldfire says:
no
Bunnywunny says:
Well got invited to a karaoke
coldfire says:
didnt go?
Bunnywunny says:
but turned it down cos had to chat with anonther friend who had girl problem
coldfire says:
guy or girl?
Bunnywunny says:
by the time i finished dinner with my ex-colleague, it was already 10.30pm
Bunnywunny says:
anyway, friends more important than karaoke.
Bunnywunny says:
Male friend had girl problem.
coldfire says:
lol
coldfire says:
who doesnt
Bunnywunny says:
hehe
coldfire says:
bang!!!!
Bunnywunny says:
so how come got recess break from blogging ah?
coldfire says:
fireworks! dun know how to carry on. thk haf to get drunk abit tis nite
Bunnywunny says:
is that the only way to get inspired?
coldfire says:
yeah, brain gets xtra active when i'm high
Bunnywunny says:
then go get some drinks lah
coldfire says:
got alot with me here, can drink senseless
coldfire says:
we are supposed in a party mood
Bunnywunny says:
and ...?
coldfire says:
not me
Bunnywunny says:
you can party any day lah.
Bunnywunny says:
dont have to wait for the right occasion
coldfire says:
no, i mean celebrate national day. no matter what, we r malaysian
Bunnywunny says:
well don't we all?
coldfire says:
i luv tis country eventhough it's far from perfect
Bunnywunny says:
oh .
Bunnywunny says:
No place like Malaysia
coldfire says:
yeah
coldfire says:
i guess the same goes to family and frens
Bunnywunny says:
yup. where is your fammily, by the way?
coldfire says:
hometown
Bunnywunny says:
ok i'm confused. Johor right?
coldfire says:
but 1 hr away fro JB
coldfire says:
beautiful fireworks i bet
coldfire says:
wht the hell are we doing here? we should go out and join the crowd, no drinks, no karaoke, no disco. just celebrate with all kinds of races here in malaysia and celebrate
Bunnywunny says:
aiya
Bunnywunny says:
don't be so materialistic.
Bunnywunny says:
happiness and celebration can take place in your heart lah
coldfire says:
huh?
coldfire says:
materialistic?
Bunnywunny says:
I just had a very nice dinner with an old friend, and talked for hours on stuff that really matters
coldfire says:
like what?
Bunnywunny says:
Yes. I think you are too conscious about what people think of you.
coldfire says:
hmm…
coldfire says:
maybe
Bunnywunny says:
you feel that you need to fulfill certain expectations
Bunnywunny says:
like on Merdeka, we OUGHT to be out there doing this and that.
coldfire says:
nah...
Bunnywunny says:
Whhy bother? If you want to go, you go. If you don't want to, then don't
coldfire says:
dun get me wrong
coldfire says:
i just thk tht we should celebrate tis day in a national way
coldfire says:
wht am i talking abt
coldfire says:
nvm. so wht did u both talk abt?
Bunnywunny says:
ah there. Again
Bunnywunny says:
you say "We should...."
Bunnywunny says:
These rules are man-made.
coldfire says:
wht is no man-made?
coldfire says:
not…i mean
Bunnywunny says:
what do you mean?
coldfire says:
wht is not man-made?
Bunnywunny says:
ok let me think
Bunnywunny says:
or not. I'm lazy to debate.
coldfire says:
nature for one thing
coldfire says:
lol
Bunnywunny says:
sorry ah.
coldfire says:
ok, lets stop debating
Bunnywunny says:
Brain also turning to mush after a hectic day
coldfire says:
wht haf u been doing?
Bunnywunny says:
this morning, doing my article stuff.
Bunnywunny says:
went for a walk
coldfire says:
and?
Bunnywunny says:
evening, had an intense chitcchat with my ex colleague
Bunnywunny says:
just now, helped a good friend troubleshoot his relationship problems
coldfire says:
do guys always go to girls when they have tis kinda problem?
Bunnywunny says:
i don't know.
Bunnywunny says:
I get this rom guys and girls
coldfire says:
rom?
Bunnywunny says:
from sorry typo
coldfire says:
hmm… guess i am a weirdo, seldom talk tis stuff with opposite sex, guess tht's why i am still fail in relationship. i mean i should have seek girls' opinions huh.
coldfire says:
gee getting a bit high liao
Bunnywunny says:
you drinking meh?
coldfire says:
yeah
Bunnywunny says:
drinking what?
coldfire says:
beer
coldfire says:
i got some liquor too but not today la
coldfire says:
u drink at home?
Bunnywunny says:
actually i don't drink at all
coldfire says:
i was just abt to say tht
Bunnywunny says:
i don't mind people drinking but i can't handle alcohol's taste and smell.
coldfire says:
i got piss drunk when the second bottle hit
coldfire says:
not a good drinker also
Bunnywunny says:
orh i could have been wrong. From what you told me, got the impression of a drinker
coldfire says:
hmm… i always give the wrong impression huh?
coldfire says:
u blogging?
Bunnywunny says:
well.
Bunnywunny says:
i think someteimes you talk without thinking things through
Bunnywunny says:
i am juggling a number of things.
Bunnywunny says:
what about you?
coldfire says:
msg u. do u really thk tht we should thk things thru before we say such trivial stuff? i mean i dun mind wht ppl thk cos i thk true happiness comes from within. not tht i can be a jerk and be happy but i am just the way i am.
Bunnywunny says:
well when our words have a potential of hurting people, yes we should think things through.
Bunnywunny says:
i realised this after my words got me into trouble a few times
Bunnywunny says:
but thanks.. i am happy that you're comfortable enough to be quite open with your thoughts with me
coldfire says:
hey, frens right? i can be as honest as can be, but u r right when the things tht we say hurt other ppl, we really should shut up.
Bunnywunny says:
**unrelated** got breakfast appointment liao
Bunnywunny says:
exactly.
coldfire says:
bz with appointments…
Bunnywunny says:
At the risk of sounding arrogant, i see you at a point where i was a while back. Saying everything that comes to mind uncensored, irregardless of the cocnsequences.
Bunnywunny says:
We can do that with trustable friends, but not with everyone.
coldfire says:
i always wear tht blank look on my face, remember? no, i am not tht straightforward with everybody but i thk i can trust u
Bunnywunny says:
thank you ***bows***
Bunnywunny says:
so what makes you think you can trust me?
coldfire says:
gut feeling. i always trust my gut feelings
Bunnywunny says:
easy answer
coldfire says:
life is hard enuf, why complicate things, right?
Bunnywunny says:
righty ho, as our dear friend Carlsi would say
coldfire says:
really? i dun know he has tht in him…
coldfire says:
getting real high now
Bunnywunny says:
got leh, amongst other funny exclamations like "aiseh"
Bunnywunny says:
wah piang
coldfire says:
and chiew
Bunnywunny says:
LOL ya ya
coldfire says:
he's been through alot lets hope tht he knows wht he wants for life now
Bunnywunny says:
cracks me up
Bunnywunny says:
I know. I'm glad SHE is there now
Bunnywunny says:
I met her you know?
coldfire says:
u should
Bunnywunny says:
She seems grounded enough to anchor him
coldfire says:
she's ur best fren's gf
coldfire says:
lucky him
coldfire says:
poor us
coldfire says:
nah poor me
Bunnywunny says:
oh why is that?
Bunnywunny says:
oh come on...***pat pat***
Bunnywunny says:
When was the last time you dated?
coldfire says:
almost three years ago
Bunnywunny says:
and since then?
coldfire says:
after tht, it's all touch and go , and work and frens something like tht
Bunnywunny says:
hmm. how come?
coldfire says:
dun know. u remember the post 'she'? i thk she was the one that i really give my heart completely
Bunnywunny says:
have you only ever fallen for only one girl?
coldfire says:
no, but i just dun know wht love is now. maybe i'll find it again someday and i have faith in tht
Bunnywunny says:
it is a spontaneous combustion of the mind and body and heart
Bunnywunny says:
soul
Bunnywunny says:
cos heaert is inside body
coldfire says:
wht is real love? u wanna see miracle or perfect? well, look for those couple who is really in love with each other…really really in love, unconditionally in love
Bunnywunny says:
i don't think i'm an authority, but i think i've been through enough to recognise when I am in love wiht annother person and vice versa.
coldfire says:
everybody has their own definition of love i dun know abt ur definition of love but i guess none of us have the right to judge
coldfire says:
when u r in love, u r in love… regardless of what happen next
Bunnywunny says:
exactly.
coldfire says:
hey, can i put tis conversation in my blog?
Bunnywunny says:
err?? which part?
coldfire says:
i dun know where the hell i come out with all those words
Bunnywunny says:
let me scroll up and see if got anything incriminating first
coldfire says:
haha
Bunnywunny says:
can can
Bunnywunny says:
but i think you should remove HER NAME
coldfire says:
ok
coldfire says:
inspired by u again!

Play…

Supposed to finish this blog on national day but after the messages above, I got real pissed drunk. Couldn’t go on. Damn. I find it so fucking hard to blog in my home sometimes. Maybe because I’m making my home too comfortable, my mind just go to sleep mode. Can’t think of anything.

Read through fuckstress’s post today. She’s at a crossroad, no, a T-junction at the moment, doesn’t know which path she should take in her career. I sympathize. I was once at the same junction. I made my decision 4 years ago, and another a year after that. I still don’t know if I have made the right choices, but somehow I have landed where I am now. Single, a house of my own, a car and cutie dog, and a bunch of close friends, who I can share almost everything. Sometimes I wonder what if I choose to stay at the old workplace. Will everything be the same as today, now, at this hour? Will I be married by now? Damn! Sometimes our mind really knows how to torture ourselves. Just like fuckstress now. Wanted to tell her what I think but will she listen? I commented once regarding her situation but I guess I just added one more opinion to all those that got to her. Now? She must be getting real crazy about making a decision because all her blogging friends commented differently. Should I tell her this:
Sit back, relax, breathe deeply for a few times, let your mind go, don’t focus on anything, and when you are ready, ask yourself this question, “Do I want to leave this working place?” The first answer that comes to your mind is the correct one. Just follow the damn sign!

Now, about this ‘Me’. Her blog is real deep and she’s only in her early twenties. Hard to believe. While most of the young people thinking about how to get this and that, she has been thinking about life… Nah, I shouldn’t judge like this. Maybe getting this and that is what life all about to other people. Maybe that’s the way she is… she’s even deeper than me. Salute!!!! Just getting to know her, well, not exactly, just starting to visit her blog. I wonder if we can know somebody well through what and how they’ve write. Like fuckstress, is she an Aries??? I don’t want to sound idiotic here but for all I know, only Aries bitch like that… LOL! Fuck me! So bad (I am always bad, full of shit! LOL).

I have been quite busy these few days so I couldn’t get this post on my blog until today. Yeah, man! Finally, I have a quiet Friday. Bunnywunny must be wondering why my post hasn’t ON yet. Sorry, dear. Life is getting hectic, with all the stuff that I have to prepare to shift the whole fucking factory to a new place.

Vanadium asked me today, what post I am holding now? And I said I don’t know. I am in charge of production, engineering, maintenance, store and half way through quality, but not sales. So what the fuck am I? High paid office boy? Chiew! That’s his response. LOL. Sometimes, we just have to close one eye to go through all that shit that your company is putting you through, but in the end, I guess it’s worth it! I’m getting promoted! Hooray!!!! ****smack!!!**** get back to earth! Well, the pay is okay, and I have quite a lot of authority here, and people love me, people hate me but what the heck, I guess it’s okay to continue working. Small factory and all, but we are expanding. That’s something you have to experience to know how it feels like. Middle level management, the most difficult position in the whole fucking company. You are torn between your superior and your subordinates. I have always been a hands-on person, so I know the difficulties at the lower level but I am also a part of the management (who don’t give a shit about what people feel, all they care is high profit and low production cost). Therefore it’s my fucking job to keep both sides happy. Happy my arse!!!! Like I got all the right answers, all the solutions, all the magic, superman, spiderman, and all that fucking shit, which in reality, I am not… I’m just an ordinary fucker who got through most of the difficult times. I keep fucking up and I’ll continue to do so. Good lesson is hard lesson and hard lesson is hard to come by. It’s so fucking tired sometimes that you have to be that and be this in order to keep your people straight and your boss happy… what the hell is life for? Well, that was me just a few months ago. Now, I’ve learn to let go a lot of things, and surprisingly, things get better. I think it was my attitude. So what happen now? Hahaha... boss asking for my opinions, and my staff starts self-organizing. Wowee!!! I can just sit back and relax! ****SMACK**** GET BACK DOWN TO EARTH! (Erlerr… daydream also cannot meh??? ). Well, still got to work, still got to keep my boss happy, keep my staff in a straight line which is supposed to be parallel with the company’s direction, but somehow company’s direction is lost along the way down through all the bureaucratic shits.

Later I will go out and get drunk. Not because I am full of despairing shit but just want to get drunk…. Hehehe… my friend is driving. Don’t give a shit anyway. Hey, have you ever get real real real drunk at home alone? It is fucking fun, man… you can cry your heart out and laugh your head off…. Errr… maybe I was despaired then. But it just felt so fucking great. I felt like I have lost thousands of burdens after that. Is this healthy? Maybe it’s not, for my body but for my mind? I guess somehow it helped.

From time to time…
I found that I’ve lost the meaning….
Tonight I think I’ll walk alone…
Find my soul as I go home….

And I never met anyone quite like you before….

Up… down… tonight….
Please don’t let me hit the ground….